If You Can't Beat 'Em - Tickets for Sale (First Episode)

Oh that Irish pack was too long in the tooth. By the time a forward gets past 30 he should pack it in.

– Rugby coach Ces (Alex Trousdell) on the last Ireland versus New Zealand match, at the start of this episode

They tell me they're selling on the black market for over ten bucks!

– Killer (Keith Richardson) repeats a rumours about crazy ticket prices

Things are pretty tight in the used car business at the moment and yours isn't a particularly popular model. But I could go out here on a limb a bit and offer you maybe 1100 dollars...for that old bomb of yours?

– Matti (Don Selwyn) makes a punter an offer at the club bar

You know, that man had absolutely no dress sense when I first knew him, but over the years I've managed to tame him. Quite looking the part now. 

– Nora (Judith Fyfe) on her success with husband Tom

Listen ,you'll wanna come to the big hāngī we're having after the game, don't ya? There's gonna be stacks of birds, and if you're lucky, we might make you an honorary Māori .

– (Don Selwyn) coaxes the gullible Terry (Michael Wilson) over the fence during a clandestine misson at Athletic Park

That's me kangaroo skin mate. I shot it when I was in Australia.

– Killer (John Koolman) shows off his kangaroo pelt

Darling? I might get you to rub my crook knee later, if that's alright.

– Richard (John Bach) gets cosy with wife (Susan Wilson) while waiting to buy tickets

Good God! Do you realise that while you're grovelling around there trying to make money, the coaches of the game itself are going without tickets!

– Ces (Alex Trousdell) makes a drunken phone call to a ticket seller