Pete & Pio - Series One Compilation

Tim Shadbolt, Simon Barnett — as soon as they get more than 20 people who know your name, you have to do a cheese ad.

– Peter Rowley on the perils of fame, in episode five

So then I go to this party, you see, and drank six pints of beer and half a bottle of whiskey. Then we staggered down the street, roaring and shouting, and smashed the windows of all the shops in the village . . . . But enough about my weekend. What is it you wanted to talk to me about my son?

– Peter Rowley plays a priest leading a confessional, in episode one

New Zealand's a lovely place, but it's full a bloody Kiwis! Look they don't even know how to drink beer . . . The Australians came over here and told them how to chill it, and then what do they do? They serve it up in a glass straight out of a hot dishwasher!

– Peter Rowley plays an Australian, early in episode one

Well Ke-mo-sah-bee, to reach village, we look to the heavens and follow big fire in the sky . . . Well we just follow the sun.

– Pio Terei satirises Tonto, wise friend of The Lone Ranger, in episode eight