The Life and Times of Te Tutu - Series Two

Smoking’s very dashing and debonair. You simply inhale that long, cold tobacco flavour and exhale that ghostly stream of cool, grey mist and look ever so charming and sophisticated.

– Herrick (Jonny Brugh) teaches Hine Toa and Tu Meke how to smoke, in episode one

The problem is 90% of your readers are Māori, so anything they read about you they find dull.

– Herrick (Jonny Brugh) explains why Vole's newspaper sales have flopped, in episode one

Now Tutu, you can’t tamper with the public’s right to be misinformed. It’s one of our most basic freedoms!

– Henry Vole (Jason Hoyte) attempts to justify his newspaper’s sensationalism, in episode one

Some people can be really racist you know? They see you going around with a Pākehā boyfriend and look out!

– Te Tutu (Pio Terei) on why Hine Toa (Rachel House) shouldn't marry Henry Vole’s brother Noel, in episode two

I’m all for the wedding! But, if you’re gonna become the wife of a Pākehā, you’re gonna have to learn the ways of the Pākehā woman.

– Te Tutu (Pio Terei) on Hine Toa (Rachel House) marrying a Pākehā man, in episode two

It’s a lonely life this pioneering. Stuck here at the ends of the earth with no one bloody civilised to talk to.

– Henry Vole (Jason Hoyte) lamenting life in the colonies, in episode three

I want to invent something that would change the world so nothing’s ever the same again. Like it was before I did what I did to change whatever I changed. You know what I mean?

– Tu Meke (William Davis), struck by inspiration to invent, in episode three

Well the machine is a curse, unless… unless it is used for the betterment of te iwi Māori.

– Te Tutu (Pio Terei) on the Pākehā telegraph system, in episode three

Look Henry, that land’s my heritage, I mean I might want to hand it down to my descendants.

– Te Tutu (Pio Terei), refusing to give up his land for Vole’s golf course, in episode four

So, this is New Zealand, eh? Every man, woman and dog that couldn’t make it in England living in bush like hobos.

– Gertrude's (Alison Routledge) first impressions of New Zealand, in episode five

I mean, she waltzes in here completely uninvited, takes without asking, gives nought in return and walks around like she owns the bloody place... You’ve got no idea what it’s like!

– Henry Vole (Jason Hoyte) complains to Te Tutu about Gertrude's impositions, in episode five

Now we hope this carving will be symbolic of the ties between us, te iwi Māori and the Pākehā.

– Te Tutu (Pio Terei) unveils a carving made for art collector Gertrude (Alison Routledge), in episode five

Right, thirty-seven canine units backdated to the first landing, say 900 years, comes to £3.76. . . . It's tax, it's the price you pay for the privilege of living in an ordered society.

– Henry Vole (Jason Hoyte) calculated the dog-tax Te Tutu (Pio Terei) owes, in episode six

Of all the two-bit, flea-bitten, nickel-and-dime towns in the colony, I had to walk into this one. Sure, it seemed innocent enough on the surface, but I took one look at the joint and I knew there'd be more lowlife here than at a meeting of midgets anonymous. 

– Policeman Larry Callaghan's (Michael Saccente), first impressions of the town, in episode six

Well, you see, I've got what we call an exemption being self-employed and all. Whereas you people come under the uh... the MMP tax regime... Maoris Must Pay.

– Henry Vole (Jason Hoyte) explains why he is exempt while Te Tutu must pay tax, in episode six

What are you going to do with one square yard of land? Build a high-rise privy?

– Herrick (Jonny Brugh) asks Henry Vole what he will do as a land-owner, in episode seven

If you don’t vote, you don’t count.

– Henry Vole (Jason Hoyte), in episode seven