Stake Out - Series One

We should do a porn together actually. That'd be heaps of fun . . . it would be so crack-up to try and get through the whole shoot without laughing. 

– Tom (Tom Sainsbury) makes an unusual proposition, in episode two

It's not my fault that tuatara tastes twice as tasty as a tin of tuna! 

– Tom (Tom Sainsbury) conquers a tongue twister, in episode three

If she's 18, who old does that make you? 

– Chris (Chris Parker) tries to understand how Tom has an 18-year-old daughter, in episode four

As if the constant heart-ache and the acute angina weren't enough, I woke up this morning with my pillow covered in blood. 

– Tom (Tom Sainsbury), early in episode five

Hey! You watch your mouth little lady. There's men in this car!

– Chris (Chris Parker) to Demi (Donna Brookbanks), in episode six

I went into the hairdressers and I took a magazine. And I swear, I was pointing at a photo of Kris Kristofferson but they thought I was pointing at a recipe for neenish tarts, so... 

– Tom (Tom Sainsbury) explains his strange new haircut, in episode seven

You could take some photos of me.

– Chris (Chris Parker) suggests how Tom could kill the time on a stake out, in episode one